Criticism/Gossip

I remember growing up with the sense that if you didn’t have anything nice to say about someone, you didn’t say anything at all. I stuck with that for a long time, but I discovered once that that bears reevaluation.

Years ago, I had a conversation with a friend about someone that we had recently met:

     Me: “He seems like a nice guy.”
     Her: “I don’t know. He seems a little… creepy… to me.”
     Me: “Really?”
     Her: “Yeah.”
     Me: “Ouch. I don’t think I’d ever want to be described like that.”
     She looked at me.
     Her: “Pete, it’s not a bad thing to say if it’s what you feel.”
     Me: “But it’s just not a label I’d ever want to impose on someone.”
     Her: “But I’m not imposing it on him. It’s something that I felt, and so it’s an honest statement. Look, it’s not a bad thing to say something bad about someone if it’s the truth--if it's part of who they are. But it is important to remember that a bad trait isn’t all that a person is.”
     I sat in my seat.
     Her: “And saying it here to you is different than passing it to everyone I know.”
     I sat in my seat, thinking.
     She sat in her seat, thinking.